It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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