Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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