it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
