We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
