if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
