i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
