my mouth tastes like poor choices
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
