His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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