Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
