If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
