I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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