Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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