i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
