dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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