so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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