He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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