Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize