I am in a vortex of obligation.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
