that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
