every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize