i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Randomize
