I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
