I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
