You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
