why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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