you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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