So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
