I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His nipple licking is glorious
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