I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
