I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
