Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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