And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
