You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
