dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
