oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
4 words: hood of his car
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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