Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
