i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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