I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
