yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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