Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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