I want to stick my p in your. b.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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