i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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