your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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