The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
