Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
