Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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