I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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