my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
