A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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