she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
