But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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