allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think i peed on brittanys purse
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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