are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
