i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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