does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
