Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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