dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
