don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
