i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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