I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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