i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
