are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
