just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
