I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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