I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
