My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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