No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
