I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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