I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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