oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
