There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
