We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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