My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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