Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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