It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
